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Doctors are warned in medical school about “difficult patients”, who don’t respond to treatment, have problems that can’t be pinpointed and keep coming back. There are ways to avoid being seen as a difficult patient.
Start off on the right foot If you have more than one thing to discuss, explain this at the beginning of the appointment. For example, say “I have two problems I need to speak to you about. The first is... and the second is...” Chances are the doctor will probably interrupt you after the first point to ask you about it in more detail, but as long as you have told them from the start that you have another point to discuss, they will know that there is more to come. When you say “oh and there’s something else” right at the end of an appointment, you may notice a glimmer of despair in the doctor’s expression. It is helpful for the doctor to know how many issues they have to deal with, so that they can allocate your appointment time accordingly and so that they don’t waste time or resources printing out several different prescriptions for you when they could just put all of the items on one! As well as helping the doctor, you may find this method helpful for you in case you forget to talk about the second problem. If you have told the doctor there are two problems from the start, they might remember to ask you what the second problem is. I’m sure most patients have gone to the doctor with several problems in mind and forgotten to mention at least one of them during the appointment. Of course a good way of ensuring that you remember to discuss all of your problems is to write a list for yourself. Some patients who suffer from memory problems prefer to use a dictaphone to record discussions with their doctors. This can make the doctor feel a little uncomfortable but if you explain at the beginning of the appointment that it is necessary because of your poor memory, there is usually no problem. Keep your cool Try to avoid bad-mouthing previous doctors. As with friendships, doctor-patient relationships are based on a mutual trust. If you gossip about a friend behind their back, chances are the people you gossip with will start to wonder if you talk about them behind their backs too. Doctors who feel as though they are being scrutinised will be reluctant to say much, for fear that you might tell other doctors in the practice or hospital that you don’t think much of them. Above all, try to remain calm and composed during an appointment. If you burst into tears or start shouting at the doctor, you lose a lot of credibility. Drama makes the doctor feel uncomfortable and they may start wondering if you are trying to con them out of drugs (because crying and begging for relief is a common method of drug seeking) or they may even start to wonder if you have an anger management problem or another mental problem. Unless you actually do have a mental problem, you could do with keeping their mind focused on your other health problems. Similarly, don’t start wailing “you have to believe me! It’s not in my head!” because you are a lot more plausible if you remain cool and collected. If a doctor gives you the brush-off and tells you that you’ll be fine, or that you are just thinking too much about your symptoms, be polite but firm. Tell them calmly exactly how long you have had these symptoms for and explain that you wouldn’t have come to see them if you felt that they were likely to just “go away”. How you phrase things can make a difference If you have a recurrent problem and you know what works, don’t just say “I’ve got... again so I need...” – nobody likes being ordered around. Try saying something a bit more flexible, like “I’m suffering from... again. Last time... helped but unfortunately it’s back now.” Or “I’m suffering from... again so I could do with more..., as that’s what usually works for me.” This implies that you feel that the same medication again is required, but is a less aggressive way of saying so. Doctors are people too and you can get someone’s back up just by wording something aggressively, so try to keep your tone relaxed. Instead of “I have...” try saying “I have been diagnosed with...” especially if you are diagnosed with a syndrome or doubt the diagnosis for any reason. Saying “I have...” can provoke the doctor to say “no you don’t” and then your appointment becomes all about the debate, rather than fixing the symptoms. So saying “I have been diagnosed with... because of these symptoms...” is much more likely to keep the doctor focused on what really matters – finding out why you have those symptoms and treating the problem. If you have researched your condition a lot or have studied medicine, you may find that your doctor simplifies information for you more than is necessary. Don’t be afraid to ask more questions, but it can help to ask them in a certain way. If you ask lots of questions, it is understandable for a doctor to wonder if you may have an anxiety problem. (Of course, everyone wants to know what’s wrong with them, so there is nothing wrong with asking questions, but doctors are trained to look out for problems, so it’s a natural conclusion for them to reach.) If you do have an anxiety problem or if your doctor suspects that you might, then he or she may be reluctant to give you more information in case you obsess about it and make yourself more ill from worrying. So if you don’t have an anxiety problem it’s important to make sure your doctor knows that you are not panicking about everything he says to you. Saying things like “ahh that’s interesting” rather than “oh no! How awful” is less likely to make alarm bells ring in your doctor’s mind. Beginning questions with “out of interest...” is a good way to show that you are just interested in knowing more details. If a doctor doesn’t know the answer to one of your questions, remember that they cannot be experts in every illness there is. Instead of flying off the handle, you could say “I appreciate your honesty. I’d rather you say you don’t know than bluff! Do you know of any good websites I could visit to find out more?” – Even if they don’t know of any good websites, you asking that may inspire them to do more research before your next appointment. If you are unable to find answers to your worries, I do recommend that you ask to be referred to someone who specialises more in the area of medicine in question. Patients of chronic illnesses sometimes become cynical and suspicious of doctors over time, as they have more and more appointments where doctors do not know what is wrong with them or how to fix it. It’s important to remember that the next doctor you see could be the one who will work out what is wrong with you or the one who will put you on a new treatment that will get rid of all of your symptoms. Keep the hope! Best wishes, Prickles! |
